Forgive me Linda Hirshman for I have committed the ultimate feminist sin. I enjoy raising my daughter and being a stay at home mom. I find it fulfilling, enriching and perhaps worst of all - I still consider myself a feminist - gasp. Linda is among my mother’s generation of women who, granted, pioneered the feminist movement but unfortunately find women like me a waste (luckily my mom doesn’t). Who are women like me?

You might be one if you went to school, dipped your toes in the career waters then skeedaddled for the glorious enriching life of a home-maker, stay-at-home-mom, whatever I’m supposed to call myself, personally I like domestic engineer. Linda writes,
“…the tasks of housekeeping and child rearing were not worthy of the full time and talents of intelligent and educated human beings. They do not require a great intellect, they are not honored and they do not involve risks and the rewards that risk brings…”

Perhaps if I’d walked a mile in Linda’s sensible shoes I would see it that way but I don’t. What I see, when I look at my life overall is that I followed that feminist path quite well, went to school, got a degree (that piece of paper means I’m intelligent, Linda would like this part), landed a job, worked my way up to Art Director and thought I had life all figured out. Then I did something quite feminine, I became a mom, hey only us ladies can do that! The next thing I did I consider perfectly acceptable from a feminist standpoint, I made my own decision! The choice I made, some might argue, was not the pinnacle of feminist choices.

Granted before I became a mom I always thought this career, this Art Director title I had earned, was so super highly important and kick ass. I didn’t foresee, even while pregnant, that it would matter to me about as much as the color of the socks your wearing. When I gave birth, I knew at that instant that I didn’t want to let anyone else raise my daughter and that I didn’t care two cents about my job.

But… I had the rare opportunity to try and have it all. The owner of the magazine I worked for was perhaps feeling compassionate because his own daughter had just become a mother, so he told me that it was ok for me to bring the baby in. I had to try it. I took my three months of maternity leave, then as much as I hated the idea of it, I brought my baby into a fast-paced, deadline driven publishing company, where clients were pissy and stressed-out office managers used very, ‘colorful’ language. I tried it for a few months but honestly, instantly knew it wasn’t working. I’m not one to do any job 50%, I like to give things my all and it just wasn’t possible. I was doing half as good at both jobs and that was leaving me drained and disappointed. My husband & I spent weekends running errands, cleaning the house, playing catch-up on all these things and not having any time together, as a couple or as a family.

I feel so lucky when I think back to how the conversation went on that fateful, exhausted Sunday, when I was dreading bringing my teething baby back into that busy office.
Betty: This isn’t working. Bringing the baby to work is impossible.
Mr. Betty: I agree, what do you suggest we do?
Betty: Well, we have two options, 1.) I can quit work to keep our household running and raise our baby and we can reclaim our weekends -or- 2.) We can look into daycare…
Mr. Betty: Would you be willing to stay at home with our daughter?
Betty: Yes yes yes.

It’s a decision I would make again and again. Time flies when you have a child, this precious time with her will be so fleeting, she’ll be in school faster then you can say, ‘Gloria Steinem’ and my career will be still there, waiting ever so patiently on the back burner for me to come in and do it blind-folded. My experience being a mother has taught me plenty, and was in no way a waste of my time. I’m a much better organizer, my desk, my life, my time used to all be much messier. My communication skills have improved, my patience, and a number of other skills that I will throw on to that portfolio when I describe what I’ve been doing the past few years as Senior Domestic Engineer.

Doing my job as a feminist right now means raising my daughter to understand that the world is her oyster. She doesn’t have to be a pink princess in high heels that is needy and subservient to a handsome prince. If you ask her right now she’ll tell you she wants to dress like a princess and be an astronaut, dance like a ballerina and play with dinosaurs, I think she’s got a good balance going. My daughter knows she can do whatever she wants to do with her life and that makes both her and I feminists.